And it's March

I have a love/hate relationship with the month of March.  I was really ok with it until 2006.

After all--Courtnie has birthday in March, the weather sort of starts acting normal (most of the time), plants start blooming and color starts coming back with the grass starting to turn green etc.

But then you receive devasting news and it becomes sort of ugh!  And I started thinking today, I always think of March 9th being the day associated with Alan but really we found out he had died at my dr's appointment on March 8th so why don't I ever think of that day as a bad day.  And the answer is-I don't know.  Everything surrounding his death started on March 8th--the dr's visit, the phone calls, the hospital and the preparations for his birth all began that day.  He was born at 1:05 in the morning of the 9th so that is his "birthday". 

The song above is "I Can Only Imagine" by MercyMe.  Another one of my Alan songs.  And since he never lived outside of me--I Can Only Imagine the things about his life.  He would almost be 5-getting ready to start kindergarten--that's the easiest part.  I use my imagination to wonder what he would look, how tall he would be, what kind of personality he would have and you can just go on and on and on.

Next Tuesday, is the one-year anniversary of our MEND group meetings and so I need to come up with some kind of special dessert to have after our meeting.  It was really special to have our first group meeting on March 9th, 2010.  And I am really honored to know that through the tragedy of Alan's death, I am able to help other women who are going through the same thing.   I was hurt that Alan died but what I hate for them, is that I know the pain they are feeling and that is a pain nobody, especially a mother, should have to feel. 

I mentioned reading the bible a bit yesterday in my blog and I haven't really ever read the bible. Now I have this overwhelming feeling that I need to start reading it.  Maybe I can start feeling a real sense of peace with all the events surrounding his death. 

So if I start quoting the bible a lot, please bear with me.  :)

As we approach the 5th year since he received his wings--I Can Only Imagine!