MEND

MEND--Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death is an infant loss support group that was an awesome help to me after Alan died.  This group is for mothers and fathers that have lost a child from a miscarriage to any time during the first year of their life.  It took me a while to attend my first meeting.  Alan died in March and I didn't attend my first meeting until August.  One reason being the group was not located here locally but in Houston.
The other--at the time--I just knew they wouldn't understand.  I had a lost a child.  I was the only one that this had happened to.  Remember--this is my thinking in those first few weeks and months after he died.  Finally a dear friend pretty much said--CONTACT THEM.  And I did, still being skeptical.  The leader of the Houston group put me in contact with one of her assistants and we e-mailed back and forth some and in August 2006 I went to my first meeting.  What an eye opener for me.  To my surprise--I was not the only person who had lost a child during pregnancy.  There were 15 or so other women there who had experienced a loss as well.  I didn't say anything at that first meeting.  Just listening to them talk, helped me tremendously.  I was having all these feelings and pretty much thought I was losing my mind.  But they were also mentioning the same feelings I was and they talked about your "new normal."  And I thought wow--I am normal (in a new way).  With it being such a drive, Don or my Mom would always go with me.  Just listening to these other moms talk at these meetings was a life saver for me.  I was having all these feelings and no one around here wanted to talk about it or listen to me talk about my child that had died.  But these moms said--that's normal.  They move on with their lives but this loss is real for us and really the center of our universe at the time.  And the words they always said (and I say now)--it does get better.  And it does.
In October of each year, they have a Walk to Remember.  It's a ceremony where each child's name is called and the parents are given an ornament with their baby's name and death date on it to hang on a tree.  It's for the entire family and has a more relaxed family environment.
In December of each year, they have a Christmas ceremony.  It's a more intimate ceremony where the mother or father says "We remember (baby's name)" and then lights a calendar in their memory. 
When Alan died, there was not any type of support group here locally in B/CS. 
In 2009, I was approached about being an assitant director to begin the process of opening a MEND chapter here in the B/CS.  I am honored to say in March 2010 and on which also happened to be Alan's day--3/9/10--the first meeting of the MEND--Bryan/College Station chapter was held. 
Last night--3/8/10--was the first anniversary of our chapter.  We always have a dessert of some sort after the meeting.  Here is our dessert for last night's meeting.



1st anniversary cupcake cake



I am so glad that we have this group here for the mother's that need the support I was lacking shortly after Alan died.  Some of them have already had subsequent births after their losses which I am so happy for them.

I really don't know where I would be today had I not found this support group.  I have so many new friends from this group and know they are life time friends.  Just recently I e-mailed one of them because I was having a difficult time with Alan's 5th birthday coming up.  She said she felt the same way at the same 5 year mark.  I have come to realize, the grief will hit you at the most unexpected times and that's ok.  I just know that each time I come out of it, I will be a little bit stronger each time.

Thanks to Rebakah for starting this chapter over 10 years ago.  It has been a godsend and I hope the mothers that are new in their grief will receive as much support as I have over these past 5 years.