Grief never goes away--it's always there lurking in the back of your mind and sometimes it can stay hidden in there for months and sometimes it appears every day, even if only for a minute.
Today I attended the funeral of a very dear and sweet lady--Karel Kay Weinert. She was the mom of one of my best friend's--Shelly Pietsch. Shelly and I met in college and were roommates. I don't remember the first time I met her mom but I do know I was welcomed into their family with open arms. I spent a lot of time with Shelly and her family before we both got busy with marriage and kids. Even if I didn't see Mom W. for a while--I was always greeted like it was just yesterday.
I can count the number of funerals I have gone to since Alan died on one hand--I avoid them with all my will. I'll be honest--I woke up this morning and almost talked myself into not going but I knew I couldn't be selfish. I had to be there for Shelly. I had to think of someone else and not myself. I have several songs (actually a lot of songs) that are what I call my "Alan" songs. It's songs that give me comfort when I am having a hard day. During the service, one of these songs was played and it was not easy listening to it. I really started tearing up. There were several older ladies sitting behind Don and I and as this song was playing--one of them was singing the wrong verse, one was singing the right verse but a bit out of tune & one was singing about two words ahead of everyone else. I got quite a chuckle out of that and I felt like it was Mom W. saying--it's ok. I'm ok. I know had she been sitting by me--she would have enjoyed it too.
It's moments like those that make you feel like your loved ones are looking down on you from above and letting you know they are ok.
I also learned of the passing of Katherine Wilcox over the weekend. Beverly is her daughter-in-law and Don and I worked with Beverly at Rolligon. While I never met Katherine--I know the family is going to miss this dear sweet person as well. I have seen pictures of her with her kids, grandkids, & great-grandkids and you could just see all the love in the pictures. She was laid to rest today as well.
As these families begin their lives without these sweet ladies, I am reminded of how those days were for my family as well. It won't be easy. You laugh, you cry, and you most likely get angry. Angry at God for taking your loved one too soon, at your loved one for leaving you.
But then you also have to remember, your loved one is in such a better place and they are doing just fine. And as I told Shelly today--my little boy now has another mama to look after him. And you have to find comfort in that too.
